Monday 14 August 2017

Urgent Letter To Her Majesty from Club 2012

We wish to bring to the attention of Her Majesty the issue of Neil Lennon abusing Rangers fans at Ibrox on Saturday. We consider his reaction to good-natured sectarian abuse and friendly death threats to be extreme. After all, are we really to believe that our own wee part of Her Majesty’s kingdom is longer safe for bigots?

There was a time not so long ago, last week in fact, when Fenians were there to be verbally abused and indeed on occasions assaulted, without any comeback on the fine upstanding bigots dishing it out. But, now, in a land where the SNP’s brand of political correctness runs amok, it is no longer safe for harmless bigots to force their sectarian bile down the throats of Fenians because, as we saw at Ibrox on Saturday, some Fenians are taking the law into their own hands and causing our own loyal fans immense suffering by, and I kid you not, cupping their hands around their ears in an obscene gesture of pure hatred, with no concern that there were children in the stadium. 

Before we know it, we’ll have copycat crimes, with other Fenians feeling they can cup their hands at our supporters who are, after all, only exercising their birth right to remind Fenians that their right to life is not a right at all, but rather, a gift from their betters.

Fair play to our management for trying to bring this matter to the attention of Police Scotland at the ground but, as you must have guessed, every policeman, every referee, every journalist, every lollipop lady, are all now Fenians.

Now a terrifying precedent has been set. Lennon’s example, with its implication that the insults and abuse, painstakingly refined by generations of our forefathers, are no longer reducing Fenians to quivering wrecks. In fact, Lennon’s gesture indicated that he really didn’t care how vile our insults were, regardless of the care and preparation that had gone into them. It’s like we’ve woken up in the hell of a post-sectarian apocalypse.

This renders screaming sheer hatred at Fenians for 90 minutes pretty worthless as an exercise. And that, Your Majesty, is an outcome we cannot countenance. It’s not like we have lives worth a shit unless we can make Fenians feel inferior. Soon, and again I do not say this in jest, they’ll be expecting to be treated as equals. And our poor comrades who even now are selflessly preparing death threats - and bullets and bombs through the mail - are bereft. What if this campaign of intimidation simply no longer works? And, Your Majesty, if it does indeed come to this, and you ever wonder why our whole empire of beliefs crumbled into dust, you’ll remember that terrifying day when a Fenian was allowed to cup his ears at our insults.

Signed
Your Loyal Subjects 
Club 2012
The Rat and Gutter Bar
1690 Boyne Road
The Past